Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Army's Abduction Mystery Solved

After weighing the evidence involved in the case, and making determinations to the best of our ability. We as protectors of Army's well being, do hereby charge the 'dillonapping of Army to Eileen Ramjoue and Chante Fielden. Fielden, 20 something, is the daughter of Ramjoue, 49ish of Riverton. Together they plotted to commit this crime on June 16, 2010. Here is how they did it, and how they were caught.

It was determined that when Missionary Medical employees were together in Division Meeting, Fielden would enter Missionary Medical with the excuse of bringing her Mother her lunch. While she found herself among empty cubicles she bound and blindfolded Army, put him in her shoulder bag, left a ransom note, and went back down to Accounting as if nothing happened. We know this because Fielden was the only Non-Missionary Medical employee to enter the department while we were in Division Meeting (Thanks Boyd). Strike 1!

The second clue to their guiltiness came a day later. After meeting the ransom (around 8:30 am), and sending an email to the dillonappers demanding that they comply to the term of their deal, Brennen and Leslee both admitted to seeing Ramjoue leave the division with an empty bag. Ramjoue entered the nearby stairwell, and met Fielden who had Army still in her posession. They made the switch, and Ramjoue returned with Army stuffed inside a bag, she entered the Kitchen, placed Army inside the fridge and returned to her desk (around 9:00 am). At 9:00 am an email was received telling us that Army had been returned and was very cold. Army was retrieved at 9:02 am June 17th. Again we contacted DMBA security who confirmed that only two people entered the Division during that time; Ramjoue who was carrying a bag, and another who should be left nameless (to protect their innocence). Strike 2!

As you all know 2 strikes are not enough. Prosecutors wanted 3 strikes before
charging the two with 'dillonapping. Finding this clue took a little CSI work from Missionary Medical Associates. We had a few people try and find some of the people in the pictures to get a discription of the criminals. The final break in the case came when Brennen, our lead detective, found that in the picture of the construction worker, you could see a reflection of two people in her sunglasses. We sent this picture to our crime lab, and Brian Wiser (our photo laboratory technician) enhanced the photo, and it is rather clear that you can see two personages. On the left you can see a young woman with a white shirt, shoulder bag, and a short hair style (fitting Fielden's description and dress that day according to Carrie McIlrath, work associate). The second personage is found in the lens on the right. Standing with the same posture, and sporting the same hairdo as one Eileen Ramjoue. Strike 3!

It is uncertain why the two decided to attempt such a horrible crime, but it has been suggested that it may be because of long hours trapped in a cubicle without any natural sunlight. It was also suggested that it may be from not hearing Phil's Elvis impression.

So now comes time for sentencing. What punishment should we, as work associates, acess upon these disgruntled 'Dillonappers?

We will be revealing to Ramjoue, today during her lunch time, that we know. We will do this by placing a large picture of the Construction woman on her desk. Please Go to her desk and write your request upon the picture so that she may know how to regain our trust. Please do not write near the head so that she can see her own reflection in the glasses.

Justice will be served today!

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